You ever felt like everything was wrong but nothing was really wrong at all? I know that question was awkwardly posed but read it again. If you don’t understand yet what I mean give me a moment to expound the purpose of my question.
Lately, I’ve been frustrated. When I say that I’ve been frustrated, I mean largely frustrated with everything in my life which brings me to confront the latter part of my question first, “but nothing was really wrong at all?” What was I really frustrated about? I am a 31-year old woman and I have the pleasure of mothering my beautiful son Peyton. I am a 13-year cancer survivor. I am an elementary school Science teacher with a Bachelor’s in Journalism and a Master’s degree in Elementary Education. I was even afforded the opportunity to publish my first book For My Good. I have amazing and supportive parents, family, and friends. I take trips occasionally. I read, write, binge watch my favorite TV shows and even lay out on the beach regularly. What can be so frustrating about my life when it seems like I’ve got it all together?
I am a Christian and as many others I have an awareness that God has purposed me for something.
At first, I didn’t definitively know what that something was. Honestly, I avoided learning my purpose because if I knew what it was, then I’d have to be held accountable. As a Christian, I have an obligation to God to not only seek out my purpose but to also walk in it. I realized that if I was going to walk in my purpose then I had to abnegate some things from life. Do you know how hard it is to remove things from your life that you really want? It’s extremely difficult and it feels almost impossible at points but I had to own up to “my stuff” no matter how painful.
I would like to shift the focus to the front end of my question “You ever felt like everything was wrong?” Yes! I’m now in a season in my life where what the world says about me or even if I think I’m successful (according to my own standards) isn’t even satisfying anymore.
Everything is wrong and I’m frustrated with it all! Why? Because God has more!
"For God's gifts and His call are irrevocable" -Romans 11:29
This verse shows the momentousness of the calling we have on our lives and is confirmed numerously throughout scripture.
Being completely transparent here -I found myself frustrated (more than normal) at my job, within my parenting (at points), in my finances, with my book sales, and overall with myself. In an aforementioned paragraph, it seemed like I had it all put together. This goes back to my previous blog post “The Good” where we constantly confuse God’s good with worldly good. Yes, all the things I mentioned earlier seem good and may in fact be good but until I accept God’s will and purpose for my life then I’ll never truly be successful. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11
The most difficult part of my journey towards my purpose is fear and letting go of some bad habits. Innately, we’re born into sin; it’s human nature. The ability to stop what comes naturally (our sinful nature) requires not mere discipline but the power of the Holy Ghost.
I’ve gotten to points where I’m constantly convicted, tired of letting myself down and praying for repentance for the same sins, and always wondering why I find myself in the same situations when I know better. I feel like the closer I got to walking in my purpose, the greater the attack from the enemy.
“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”-James 4:17. So to know God’s standards and His ways and not to do them is worse than someone who is lost. To know my calling and gifts and not use them for my purpose and the uplifting of the Kingdom of God is detrimental; it’s frustrating and in the long run it has caused me to grow weary.
“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”-James 4:4
This verse contributes to accountability. For me, it definitely brings an awareness to how imperative it is level up and walk in my God-intended purpose. This has been by far the most arduous battle in my life but living my life the way I had been has actually led me to the next level. Just because I decided to dedicate my life to God doesn’t mean I won’t suffer or that I won’t get frustrated but it does mean that my suffrage won’t be in vain.
I’m ready to level up! I’m ready for more. I’m ready to walk in purpose. I’m ready to live a more meaningful life and most of all, I’m ready to do God’s work!
I hope that my transparency and honesty encourages you to vigorously seek your purpose. I pray that you find purpose even in your frustrations. God bless you on your journey!